


The Promise

by perrydoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, Fluffy Castiel/Sam Winchester, M/M, Samstiel - Freeform, Sastiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8358955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perrydoan/pseuds/perrydoan
Summary: This happens before, while and after Lady Toni has Sam.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This happens before, while and after Lady Toni has Sam.

Castiel had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to take care of Sam. In all the ways he thought he could officially take care of Sam, he would never dare think that it would be when Dean offered Castiel his brother before the man died. Castiel has been thinking of being with Sam for a long time, since the first time he held the boy with demon blood’s hand when they first met. However, seeing Dean dying makes him not really happy when he’s able to be with Sam.

Castiel had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to take care of Sam. And he ruins things once again. Cas gets mad at himself for how his wings are not strong enough to hold Sam, to protect Sam. Cas gets mad at himself for how he’s not strong enough to fight a human. Cas gets mad at himself for letting his feelings take over his mind so much that he couldn’t feel the danger in front of him. He let that blonde woman kick him away from Sam easily. And now God knows whether Sam’s fine or not.

Times like this, he wishes he could be Lucifer who’s strong enough to fly with his wings to look for Sam. He finds himself jealous of Lucifer when the psychological connection between Lucifer and Sam is strong enough for Lucifer to find Sam wherever Sam is. He’s jealous of Lucifer when he’s Father's favorite son. If he’s Lucifer, he would ask Father to protect Sam and He would do it immediately without any reason. Times like this, Castiel finds himself a pathetic creature. He’s a loser, more or less.

Castiel had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to find Sam. And he doesn’t want to screw things up all over again. Cas stops after driving all night like a crazy dude. He is standing in front of a real-estate agent’s house and now is 3am. Castiel knocks on the door and there’s no answer for him. He knocks again, harder and faster this time. Hands roll into fist, Castiel continues hitting hard on the door standing between him and the man inside as if he’s gonna smash the door.

“Jesus Christ, it’s 3 in the morning”, the man inside the house says out loud. His voice is full of annoying.

“It’s not Jesus, it’s Castiel”, Cas calmly replies and takes a step back.

“Hey, psycho, get lost. I don’t buy anything!” he annoyingly says.

“Mr. Johnson, I got something really important that needed to ask” Castiel still manages his low voice.

“Fuck off!”

“Mr. Johnson, please open the door. This is really important”, Castiel starts feeling like Jimmy Novak’s blood getting boil.

“I said fuck off!”

And that’s it! Castiel has had enough with humanity! Sometimes, he feels that Lucifer is really making sense when he wants to destroy humans. They’re too stubborn, too dumb, and too unbearable. And Castiel has had enough.

The fallen angel swings his arms and the door in front of him gets exploded. Castiel’s face is as cold as the sea surface at night, his teeth got chattered and his blood vessel is all about to break. He doesn’t get where this anger comes from, he doesn’t know what would Sam think if he saw Cas like this now. But Castiel is not the type that cares much about what people think. After all, angels are all dicks. But at least, let him be a dick who can keep his promise.

Cas steps in and pushes Johnson against the wall. Johnson is half-head taller than Jimmy. He got brown eyes and he’s wearing a coconut pajama. Humans’ fashion, Castiel rolls his eyes for that. But who is he that gets the rights to judge other people? He’s wearing a train coat while there’s no rain at all.

The blue-eyed angel holds the man’s pajama and the other arm of his is pressing against the man’s neck. Panic is all over Johnson’s eyes. The man grabs a flower pot to hit Cas’ head. Castiel stands still, his expression is still zero and that makes Johnson even more freaked out.

Mouth closes to Johnson’s face, Castiel lows his voice down: “I will ask and you will answer. If you don’t know how to behave well, I’ll break you like that flower pot of yours. Okay?”

Johnson nods as if he’s the dog toy used to decorate the car. The man tells Castiel everything he knows and the angel seems pleased with his achievement. Cas puts his fingers on Johnson’s forehead before leaving. He leaves a poor man unconscious on the floor. There’s nobody has time to bring you to bed, Johnson.

Castiel had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to find Sam. And Castiel is about to fulfill it.

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

Castiel curses when he stands in front of a farm. He closes the damn car door angrily. Cas is so close to Sam, so close that he can sense Sam around here. However, those magic and spells on the wall keep him outside. Castiel can’t get in. He feels like if he can say yes to Lucifer once again just to step inside and rescue Sam even after that this world will be burned, it’s still worth it.

Castiel observes the house about ten minutes before the Impala gets close to him. Dean shows up with his mother and Dean is the only one who can get in. Why is it always Dean? Don’t get Cas wrong. The angel just doesn’t quite understand why every time something happens to Sam, Cas is always the one who cares like hell, runs everywhere to look for Sam just to get Dean all the glory? Castiel feels like he’s always a beautiful background for Dean to be Sam’s hero.

“Are you alright?” Mary asks, he leans against the Cas’ pickup truck which he picked up from some poor farmer.

“Yes, I am fine. And you?” Castiel looks at Mary.

“Are you sure?” Mary tilts her head. She gives Cas a doubtful look.

“I am sure”, Cas replied. There’s no “sure” in that answer of Cas.

“Okay”, Mary nods. If Cas wants to say, he’ll say.

And he really wants to say.

“It’s just…” Cas speaks up after some silent seconds, “Sometimes I wish my family could be as Sam and Dean’s. There are a lot of people in mine. I’m not sure how many brothers and sisters I have. And my Father left us since Lucifer got kicked out. So…” Castiel avoids Mary’s gaze. He turns his eyes on the house that keeps Sam.

“Castiel, you don’t need to wish. Family doesn’t start from blood. There’s not all family who are willing to protect each other the way you do for Sam”, Mary puts a hand on Cas’ shouder. He feels his heart gets warmer with the touch.

But somehow, he still sighs. “The thing is that my sacrifice for them is not enough. It’s not enough comparing with how they sacrifice for each other”.

Mary offers Cas a sweet smile. “It doesn’t matter how much it is, Cas. The importance is that you’re willing to sacrifice”.

Castiel shakes his head. It does matter. Because he has never been given the admirable eyes from Sam like the way Sam looks at Dean. Because he has never felt the hug Sam offers him is as tight as the way Sam hugs Dean. Because he has never got to stroke Sam’s hair, to wipe Sam’s tears like the way Dean does for Sam. It’s because he isn’t important enough to Sam, because he hasn’t sacrificed enough for Sam.

“I do that because I made a promise. I promised Dean that I’ll protect Sam. And I screwed up”. Castiel can’t hide his guilty eyes from Mary.

“But you don’t have responsibility or reason to fulfill that promise, Castiel. You’re nobody’s tool. Nobody gets to demand you to do anything. Unless… that’s what you really want”, Mary says softly.

Cas feels like there’s something in Jimmy’s body is pinching him. That’s the only good explanation for what he feels now. He’s never known what he actually wanted till today when those kinds of questions pop up in his head. After all, he does things because he’s a promise keeper or because any other reason else?

**~~~~~0~~~~~**

Castiel had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to heal Sam. And Castiel is fulfilling it.

Castiel asks Dean and Mary to let Sam and him have some free space while he’s healing the young Winchester. Actually, he’s still feeling something like angry when he’s the first one who knew Sam’s gone but the last one who got to meet him. He’s still feeling something like jealous when he’s supposed to be the first one Sam hugged, but Dean whose neck Sam buried his face in.

Castiel sits next to Sam’s bed. His mission is to put his hand on Sam’s body and heal the boy. And if he accidentally slides his hand in Sam’s hair, feels how soft it is, it’s only because he’s healing Sam’s hair. If he accidentally slips his hand on Sam’s beautiful pink cheeks, feels Sam’s warm skins, it’s because he’s healing the wounds on Sam’s face. If he accidentally presses his hand on Sam’s chest to be breathless by how beautiful, strong, perfect Sam is, it’s because he’s healing Sam’s chest.

Yeah, Castiel is doing all of that just because he had a promise with his best friend – Dean Winchester. He promised to heal Sam. But what’s about to happen next is out of the to-do list to keep the promise. Castiel gently puts a kiss on Sam’s forehead. He thinks it’s what a big brother should do for his little brother when he finds him safe and sound. He thinks it’s what Dean totally agrees with him. 

Castiel smiles when he feels Sam’s warmth around his lips. He doesn’t know that even when Sam is sleeping, he’s still beautiful and sweet like this. And that’s when Castiel feels Sam’s breath against his neck. Castiel swallows hard and keeps silent. He feels like breathing now is so hard.

Castiel pulls himself back and Sam’s lips accidentally catch his eyes. They opens a bit, enough for Sam’s breaths get out and touches Cas’ neck. Cas chills. This is wrong. Something is wrong. What he’s thinking is out of to-do list to complete the promise. And why the hell is he even thinking about it?

Castiel bites his own lips and he feels Jimmy’s heart beats faster than normal. Cas shakes his head, grabs his coat and the angel is about to leave the room. He’s so close to the door before he decides to lock it and returns inside. What else to lose? Castiel puts his coat on the table.

Castiel wishes Jimmy’s heart could stop because it’s loud enough to wake Dean up. Castiel steps closer to Sam and after a good moment of trying to mulling. He swallows and looks at Sam who is still in deep sleep.

All or nothing.

Castiel gently presses his lips on Sam’s and he feels like his whole body is melting. Oh Father of Castiel! How could He create a perfect man like Sam? Sam’s lips don’t just look wonderful but they’re actually wonderful. Sam’s lips are as sweet as wedding cake’s cream, as soft as custard cake. Castiel can’t stop kissing them and he wishes he could be strong enough to hold himself there. Castiel can’t move further, can’t get his tongue in Sam’s mouth. He doesn’t let himself to do that no matter the fact that he’s listening to some encouraging voices in his head. Castiel can even feel the body below his belt is getting hotter and bigger.

“Castiel?” Sam’s voice speaks up makes Cas startle and pull back.

Dammit! Wrong! So wrong! Completely wrong!

“What are you doing here?” Sam rubs his eyes. In some second, Cas thinks about erasing Sam’s memory. But how dare he do that after what he’s done to Sam?

“Hey - Hello Sam. How do you feel?” Cas falters.

“Not so good. But you haven’t answered my question yet”. Sam sits up and Cas even more panics. How can he explain?

“I am healing you”, Cas answers. Come on! He’s telling the truth.

“Um” Sam nods. His eyes haven’t left Cas yet. Castiel starts shaking when Sam’s eyes are so full of doubtful, questioning. They’re looking right into Castiel’s sinful grace. Castiel looks at everything in the room but Sam. Finally, he grabs his coat.

“I… Uh… I’m heading out. You have a nice night, okay?” Castiel says and quickly steps out.

“Oh, Cas” Sam speaks.

“Yeah?” Cas stops and turns his eyes to Sam. He wants to get out as soon as possible but he also wants to make sure that Sam’s fine.

“There’s something written in Enochian that isn’t mentioned but I figure that you might know. I just wanna ask you about it”, Sam smiles. His dimples go full display.

“What’s that?” Cas smiles back. He’s never stopped admiring Sam’s smile.

“While healing a human, angels usually put their hands on the wounds, yeah?”

“Yea”, Cas nods.

Sam nods before adding more. “So what an angel puts his lips on another one for?”

Castiel feels a chill is sending on his spine. His lips start trembling and his heart starts jumping like a crazy man. No, it’s not like that. Sam just wants to ask. He doesn’t know. He’s still sleepy. It’s impossible.

"Cas?" Sam licks his lips.

“I don’t know”, Cas’ answer is really quiet, too quiet for someone to hear. He wishes he could teleport himself to somewhere else now.

“You don’t know? Okay. Dean might do”, Sam rolls his eyes.

“What? No!” Castiel frowns worriedly.

“He kissed Anna. He’ll know. I’m sure of it!” Sam says, his eyes are almost full of tears.

“No! Sam, stop!” Castiel chatters.

“Stop? Why? I just wanna know the truth!” Sam’s voice is full of angry now.

“What do you want to know, huh?! Why are you suddenly like this?!” Castiel gets angry too.

“Suddenly?! Do you have any idea what I’ve been through?! No! Mr. Angel, of course you don’t! And you don’t need to know! All you need to know is that I wake up with someone’s lips on mine, someone’s hand on my chest. And that someone is who I have been loved as my brother! And that someone isn’t brave enough to take his responsibility for what he’s done! Everybody in this world can easily use me! But I can’t believe that everybody including someone who I’ve considered as my brother!”

Sam yells angrily and he drops his tears. God knows how many times Sam got sexual harassment. God knows how many times Sam wakes up crying, feeling shamed because Lucifer touched him. God knows how much Toni Bevell just reminds him of his terrible feelings when she poisoned him and made him have sex with her. He doesn’t feel good or pleasure. All he feels is freaking out and angry. And when that pain hasn’t left, he woke up finding Castiel who is always admires did the same thing to him. He has never felt so much tired and hatred and fury like he is now.

Castiel is silent, because Sam’s tears speak all. Castiel doesn’t deserve him. Castiel is a dick. He truly wants to shout and runs out of this room. But he can’t do that to Sam. He can run but the sin he’s just done to Sam will haunt him forever. And he knows it.

Castiel sighs and sit down. His hands are shaking. Cas is hesitant for a moment before putting his hand on Sam’s face to wipe the man’s tears away. Sam pushes the angel’s hand out of his face. “Don’t freaking touch me!” and Cas can’t blame Sam. He’s the wrong one here. He wants to hug Sam like what Dean always does but he’s not Dean.

“Sam, I… I am sorry” Castiel quietly says. If Dean beats Castiel to death for touching his brother’s body, Cas finds it still the right thing. Because he deserves to be punished.

“Sorry doesn’t change anything”, Sam ignores Cas’ eyes and he still cries.

“I know. I am sorry for disappointing you. I don’t deserve you. And what I’ve done is totally wrong. I don’t know how to explain, Sam. I’m a dick. But I swear to you that all I want from you is that you’re safe, not using you or something. And I admit I was wrong when I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m supposed to know where I am”.

“I have considered you as my brother!” Sam shakes his head. Castiel’s words are enough to soothe Sam.

“I know”, Cas whispers, “but I don’t want to be your brother”, he sighs.

“What?” Sam frowns, his eyes are right into Cas.

“Sometimes, I want to be Dean. I want to hold you tight, to be able to listen to your problems, to be the first person you call at day and the last at night. But I realize that I can’t be Dean. It’s because to you, there’s only one Dean. And to me, being your brother is not what I truly want”.

“So you decided to forced kiss me?” Sam’s voice is not less angry a bit.

“No. I decided to take care of you. I just don’t know why I kissed you. Sam, you can hate me how much you want, you can tell Dean, you can beat me, he can beat me, because I deserve it. But that doesn’t either change how I feel about you, or less guilty about myself. I broke the promise and I deserve to be punished”, Castiel bites his lower lip, avoids Sam’s eyes again.

Honest in Castiel’s voice can’t change much the situation now. Sam absolutely hates Castiel now, but he doesn’t want to lose Cas, either. He doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. He can’t accept Castiel, and he can’t forgive Cas like nothing has happened.

Sam wipes tears on his face, “How long… How long have you wanted this?”

Castiel catches Sam’s gaze, he feels really bad now, “8 years. Since I first saw you.”

“Why didn’t you say?”

“It’s because I had a promise to fulfill. I promised Father to complete my mission”.

“Why now?”

“It’s… It’s because what Father wanted… is not what I want. It’s because I have a promise to fulfill”.

“You promised Dean to take care of me, he came back. You don’t need to fulfill it anymore”, Sam coldly says.

“No. No. It’s not Dean. I promised myself to protect and love what I needed most”, there’s nothing but honest in Cas’s voice.

“You needed to kiss me?” Sam shakes his head in tiredness.

“No, Samuel Winchester”, Cas holds Sam’s hand and this time, Sam lets him.

“I needed you”, Cas says before kissing Sam’s hand. “I truly needed you then, and I need you now”.

Sam stays silent. He doesn’t know what to say or do. He doesn’t know if he should forgive Cas or keeps on being mad at Cas. And Sam is quiet for awhile till he speaks up.

“I’m gonna give you a chance. Don’t screw it up. And never touch me if I don’t allow, ok?”

“Really?” Castiel almost jumps up for how happy he is. The angel believes if he still had wings, he would grab Sam and fly in the sky to show Sam that Superman is nothing comparing to Castiel.

Sam can’t hide his small smile when he finds Castiel happy like that. The scene melts Sam’s heart a little.

"Sam, can I hug you?” Castiel’s face gets red. And right when Sam nods, Cas hugs him like there’s no tomorrow. Castiel closes his eyes, feels Sam’s tight arms and warm around his body. Castiel feels happy. He just simply feels happy.

Castiel had a promise. No, Castiel didn’t make it to anyone, not Dean, not his Father. Castiel had a promise to himself. It’s he will forever love, take care and protect Sam Winchester.


End file.
